Saturday, July 31, 2010

Douchebag of the Week: Matthew Clemmens

Matthew Clemmens, isn't he a keeper ladies?
This week's award winner did one of the most vile, disturbing acts that I can honestly remember.  Mr. Matthew Clemmens should be inducted into the douchebag Hall-Of-Fame.

Clemmens, a 21 year-old man, was taking in a Phillies game one night with his jackass buddies, when they decided to get liquored up, and behave like primitive cavemen.  You pound several cups of watered-down swill for six innings,and its not easyto keep a level head.  It also may turn you into a low-life piece of shit, just like our good friend Mr. Clemmens.

Matthew Clemmens, was sentenced to three months in jail, for intentionally vomiting on an 11 year old girl, at Citizens Bank Park earlier this year.  He plead guilty to assault, harassment, and disorderly conduct.  He took his fingers, stuck it down his throat Jennifer Aniston style, and projectile- vomited all over this poor innocent girl.  He also threw a couple of punches at the girls' Father, causing him to bleed from his ear.

I believe getting just three months in prison, isn't quite harsh enough punishment.  Every time this poor girl hears the words "Baseball", "Phillies", and "Ballpark", she's gonna remember some fuck from New Jersey blowing puke all over her.  Vomit is one of the most disgusting things on Earth.  The thought of puking when I'm sick, or had a little too much to drink, is enough to make me want to die.  Intentionally throwing up on someone, especially a child puts you in the psychotic category.

Enjoy this award, you piece of shit.  You can think about it when Bubba plays "hide the sausage" in the Pokey.  Congratulations to our second "Douchebag of the Week!

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