Thursday, August 5, 2010

3-D has offically gone too far: Justin Bieber bio film is on the way...in 3-D!

50 million teenage girls have just peed their pants in excitement.  Everyone's favorite teen heartthrob, is coming to a theatre near you.

Paramount Pictures has green lit a Justin Bieber biography, slated to be released around Valentine's day 2011.  For some reason, this film will be shot in 3-D, which seems almost as pointless as Step Up 3-D.  So why is this movie being made?

The answer is obvious:  it's all about money.  For some reason, this kid is an absolute Juggernaut.  He sells out 20,000 seat arenas, his video on Youtube has been watched over 260 million times, and he graces the cover of every insipid teenage magazine around.

Quite frankly, it doesn't really matter what the movie is about.  It could be J Bibbs sitting on the toilet, dropping a duke for two hours, and 14 year old girls would see it 5 times.  The movie is a memoir of sorts, since he is apparently writing an autobiography.

I can't really grasp the concept of this kid.  He looks nice enough, none-threatening, but the first time I heard one of his songs, I thought that Alvin and the Chipmunks made a come-back album.  I mean, what kind of story can a 16 year old kid tell?  Perhaps they will devote 10 minutes of this train wreck to the sprouting of his first pubic hair.  Then they can have a scene where he cries because he discovers their is no Santa Claus.

I envy this kid.  Can you imagine the amount of girls that would throw themselves at him.  I would go blind with temptation, this kid could probably bag just about anyone.  The power he has would be unimaginable. 


But really, how compelling can a life story of a squeaky clean 16 year old that looks like he's 12 really be.  Plus, its in 3-D, so girls can get virtual locks of his hair in their faces.  Yeah, this movie is going to be a disaster, but will end up turning a huge profit.  Enjoy girls.

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