Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Random Thoughts: Old Ladies

I don't know about the rest of you fine folks, but I appreciate the elderly in our society.  They have seen so much history throughout their time on Earth, like the Depression, World War II, and the assassination of President Kennedy.  Most of the older people I have met are always appreciative to talk to you "young people," which I guess is anyone under 50 to them.  They are in most instances, more friendly than their younger counterparts.  Older women always seem to be drawn to me, not in a sexual matter mind you, but perhaps I look like one of their grandkids or sons,or something like that.

One thing that I really have not been able to understand about our older ladies, is their reluctance to wear bras in public.  I'm sure you all have seen it, you walk into Target, Wal Mart, or any major retailer, and you see all the blue hairs lining up around the hemorrhoid cream.  You have also probably noticed the disturbingly high amount of saggy titties in the house.  I work in retail sales, so I have to see this growing epidemic.

As a flaming heterosexual, I enjoy staring at boobs.  I check them all out, boobs on fat girls, skinny girls, hot girls, ugly girls, I've even scooped on the tits on a few midgets.  Perhaps it's a sickness, but yes, I will check out the rack on a 70 year old.  It's not really even a sexual thing, it likes its permanently inculcated in my mind to look at the boobies of every women I cross paths with.  Which helps bring me to the point of all this rambling.

I encountered a woman the other day with boobies at her belly button.  These behemoths were easily a DD, if not bigger.  As the woman was asking me questions about an item I was trying to sell her, I could not stop staring at this absolute trainweck of a rack.  It was obvious that granny wasn't wearing a bra,and it was honestly a little vomit-inducing.  Most sane individuals would just look up at her face, and try to pay no attention to the saggy rack.  However, I could not turn away no matter how I tried.  I was able to stay poised enough to make my sales pitch, but I did refer to one printer as "the breast."  Of course, being the sweet old, and likely partially deaf lady she was, she paid no mind to my slip of the tongue.  Old Marge, or Bea, or whatever her name was, bought her merchandise, and walked out of my life.  She did leave a scar though that will not heal anytime soon.

So Grandma's everywhere, get a new bra, and keep those things out of plain view.  Father time and gravity have told you that it's time to keep those puppies under wraps.  If you don't, perverts just like me will continue to stare in disgust, and slight curiosity.

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