Sunday, September 5, 2010

Random Thoughts: Scrambled Porn

If you are in your 20's or older, I'm sure you remember watching scrambled porn.  I, like many of you wasted much of my childhood staring at this colorful blur, in hopes a stray nipple might flash across the screen.  You had to really concentrate and focus if you wanted to see the female form  Thanks to the Internet, the new generation has it way too easy.  They can find porn and naked girls within seconds.  Let's take a trip back in time shall we?

I started noticing that I was attracted to girls back in 1996, when I was an eleven-year-old 7th grade student.  I used to watch Baywatch everytime it popped on the screen, and developed my first celebrity crush on Pamela Anderson.  Nicole Eggert and Yasmine Bleeth also tickled my fancy, and things like my older sisters Cosmo's and Sports Illustrated became my first "drug" of choice.  Right then and there I knew I was hooked on boobies.

Later on that year, I discovered my first Playboy, with no other lady on the cover than the aforementioned Pamela Anderson.  I traded 3 Spiderman comics, a Steve Finley baseball card, and five dollars.  The things young men will do to see some boobies.  I must have looked at that magazine at least 6 times a day.  If my apartment had caught fire, it probably would have been the one item I tried to save.

From there, I discovered a new "drug" Hustler.  This magazine was like nothing I had ever seen before.  This magazine had full on nudity, and this is where I saw my first vagina.  I also was disturbed with Larry Flynt obsession with girls peeing.  I then decided i wanted to see more than just pictures, I wanted to see people doing the deed.

I didn't have direct access to actual porn movies.  But i did know that at 10PM every night that channel 99 Pay-Per-View showed porn videos all night.  However, surely my mother would kill me if I charged fifteen dollars to her cable bill, and if she knew I was watching cinematic masterpieces like "Schindler's Fist, and "Tittie, Tittie, Bang, Bang.  What was a horny 12 year old to do?  I toughed it out and watched it all scrambled.  I'd sit there for an hour at a time, hearing the sound cut in and out, hoping to see a random boob or possibly a vagina. 

The excitement would rise as a stray, blue boob popped up.  I would move my eyes back in forth, scanning the screen looking for more.  Yes!  A yellow and green bush!  More I say, more!  Looking back on it now, it was slightly disturbing, but what male in their 20's didn't experience this.  I wonder what kids in the 50's and 60's did? 

Kids today are spoiled.  They can find porn so easily.  Google, spankwire, and other porn sites made finding porn as easy as picking their little noses.  Guys like me, and like you had to struggle, and search for pictures of naked girls.  We appreciated it, the hunt for a stray Penthouse was almost as rewarding as finding that magazine in the first place.  Perhaps that's why kids today are so soft, they didn't have to struggle for pornography.  Ah, to go back in time.

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