Saturday, October 9, 2010

Random Thoughts: I have Road Rage

Driving is kind of a pain in the ass.  I remember when I was in High School, and I saw driving as a portal to girls.  I looked around and saw that all the guys in my grade that were getting tail, had a set of wheels.  As someone who had to walk two miles each way to school, I had it in my head that I had no shot with girls, and alas, I graduated High School as a virgin.

I worked at McDonald's while in High School, and eventually saved enough money to buy a car.  I remember how glorious it felt.  I could finally drive down to the beach, or the mall, or pretty much wherever I please.  It also meant that I was able to solicit the dating services of the young ladies of San Diego.

Well fast-forward seven years, and driving has lost that once majestic feeling.  It's now something I do to go to work and come home, and its hardly fun.  The thing that makes it quite annoying, are the retards that populate the road.

My biggest pet peeve is slow drivers.  When I bust out my 2001 Toyota Echo, I mean business, bitches!  I'm on the freeway to drive at least the speed limit, if not faster.  I like to roll around 70-75, and all these other Nancy's are driving around 60.  The biggest culprits of this atrocity are Asian women, and people from Mexico.  Seriously, San Diegans, next time you see a terrible driver on the freeway, I almost guarantee the bastard has a Baja license plate.  I like to cut these bastards off, while simultaneously flipping them off.  Get off the road Pedro!

People who fail to merge also piss me off to no end.  You are driving a lane, and the lane to your right is ending, so that person has to get into your lane.  So I naturally slow down, and I try to be the polite person I strive to be, and let them in the lane.  Naturally, this person isn't paying attention and drives as far right as possible, even sometimes on the shoulder.  You have two choices in this situation:  slow down and hope the bastard gets the point that he needs to move over, or drive at your normal speed, and pass the idiot.  Generally, I find the second option unsafe, because as soon as I try to pass, that is when our idiot friend will finally merge, and spin my car like a top.  Once when i tried to pass an idiot, he almost clipped my car, and I nearly died.  As retaliation, I threw a big gulp cup of Coke at his car and sped off.  You fuck with me, and you get the horns!

I also find that I swear uncontrollably when I drive.  Anyone who knows me knows I'm fairly mild-mannered, but stick me behind a wheel, and I turn into an evil monster.  I curse, I spew threats, I make obscene gestures.  Anything to get my point across.  I'm so bad on the road, I've even cussed out a 70-year-old bluehair driving a Buick.  I feel she endangered my life, thus she was a dirty twat.  I'm pretty sure that she heard me, as she almost wrapped her car around a pole.  Better you than me, you wrinkly, old whore!

In retrospect, my behavior is quite shameful.  Cursing at old ladies, and flipping off illegal immigrants is not the behavior of a gentlemen.  I've tried taking deep breaths, but driving kind of stresses me out.  If people would pull their head out of their ass, maybe I would be a little more calm.  Perhaps I should carpool for now on.

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