Sunday, November 21, 2010

Random Thoughts: Black Friday

For those of you who know me, you do know that I am a sales person in the retail world.  I work for a large office supplies chain(figure it out if you do not know) and Black Friday is the craziest day of the year for us retail hacks.

Most of you bastards get to enjoy thanksgiving, eat till your stomach collapses, and watch the Lions get drubbed, knowing that you have a nice four day weekend ahead of you.  You can sleep late on Friday, make yourself a nice turkey sandwich, and enjoy all of the college football that is televised.

People like me are forced to wake up at ungodly hours of the morning, and walk into an absolute nightmare.  Last year, I arrived at work at 4am, to a line of 100 degenerates.  I walked in, sporting my work shirt, and was immediately bombarded with questions, before I even walked in the door.  Obviously this idiots must know that i am not on the clock, yet that didn't stop them.  These people are absolutely relentless.

As I made my way past the hoards of shopping zombies, I walked in to find our store manager trying to motivate us to achieve our sales goals, and to keep all of our limbs attached to our bodies.  He wanted us to "squeeze every dollar out of the customers."  I thought of him picking up someone by the legs, and shaking them until all of their pocket change fell to the floor.

I chug a Red Bull, knowing that I will need the caffeine to endure the slew of moron's that were about to fight over sale items, and ask ridiculously stupid questions.   My all-time favorite is:  "Is a laptop portable."

Boom!  The door opens, and 15 people rush at me.  All of them are looking for the same, inexpensive computer.  They buy it from me.  Naturally, they don't buy any of the services that our corporate division shoves down our throats, which leads the store manager to whine and complain all day.

Ten minutes into the day, that $299 laptop is completely sold out, and there is no substitute.  People beg, yell, and curse me for false advertising, since they missed out on the deal.  No rainchecks, no hope for you, now please leave my store.  This continuum continues for about 12 hours, when my shift is over, and I die a little inside.

I realize that the holiday season can be stressful.  Everyone wants to get that perfect gift, but folks, we who work in retail couldn't care less.  I don't care that your wife won't get that laptop she had her heart set on.  I don't care that your bastard kids won't be rocking an Ipod on Christmas morning.  Maybe I would care, but you idiots berate retailers with insults.  You blame us for the fact that were sold out of a particular item.  It drives me nuts.

While the rest of you are at the mall's, or at home with family, think of the retailers out there like me who are forced to deal with your shit.  Think twice before calling the clerk at Best Buy a retard.  You will feel better about yourself.  Look out for your retail brothers and sisters.

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