Friday, October 29, 2010

Douchebag of the Week: Jenn Sterger

This woman has been in the media way too much for my liking.  A lot of you might not even know who she is.  Well she is TV personality(although her show on Versus was just axed) and she alleged that former Jets quarterback, and current Minnesota gunslinger Brett Favre sent her pictures of his "manhood," an event that left her traumatized, and distraught. 

Brett also left her voicemail's while with the Jets, and it has been reported that the pair regularly texted, and that on more than one occasion, Favre tried to get Sterger to come to his hotel room.  The several reports I have read, never stated if Favre and Sterger "hooked up," and all we can do at this point is speculate.  In an article on foxsports.com, a friend of Sterger claims that she and Sterger both looked at the picture and laughed about it.  That definitely contradicts the report that Sterger was traumatized by the alleged picture of the penis.

Let me state, that I am not a fan of Favre at all, I feel it is my duty to stick up for guys everywhere.  First of all, Favre is married, and shouldn't be sexting with anyone but his wife.  Perhaps he and Deanna have some kind of understanding, Favre's love of booze and women has been well-documented in the past.  Favre is not innocent in this situation by any means, but from the experience I have in sexting, here is how something probably went down.

Favre and Sterger are texting, the subjects are without a doubt "flirty" in nature.  Favre sees an opening, like Antonio Freeman breaking away from a safety, and decides to take a shot with Sterger.  He thinks to himself, "I think she wants to bone, I'll pull down these Wranglers, and show her my dick.  She will be turned on, and reciprocate with a picture of those jugs.  Holla!"

So Brett snaps a pic of his penis, at a good angle, so it appears bigger than it actually is, and sends that shit.  Sterger receives it, and maybe reciprocates back, or perhaps she kills the conversation at that point, who really knows.  The bottom line is, I really don't believe that Favre would randomly send her a picture of his junk, she was probably openly flirting with the guy.

The bottom line is, Sterger is putting all of this in the media, to boost her status, and make a quick buck.  Before this scandal, I'm sure 97 % of the general public had no idea who she was.  She has some crappy show on Versus no one watches, and viewed this situation as a potential payday.  It could lead to a reality show, a lucrative offer to pose in Playboy, or she could look for a seven figure settlement out of court.  Bottom line is, this chick is a dumb whore looking to cash in on this new-found publicity.  

When you don't have talent, and your probably not very intelligent, yet you are ridiculously hot like Sterger is, you gotta cash in when you see the chance.  Sterger's shity show on Versus maybe history, but no worries Jen, as "Douchebag of the Week lives forever!"  Congrats Jen!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Movies to make your Halloween scarier: Intruder

Intruder is a pretty obscure horror film from 1989.  It boasts Bruce Campbell(Evil Dead series) and Sam Raimi(Spider-man director) as the stars of this film, although both of them have bit parts in the film.  The rest of the people are actors I've never heard of, but that's not really important.  What is important, however, is that this film has the ingredients that every solid horror movie needs:  creepy music, creative deaths, and unexpected plot turns.  The movie ends up being quite surprising, and is quite good, so lets run down the basics.

The entire film takes place in a grocery store, during the graveyard hours.  The night crew is just arriving, and they are ready to stock shelves, and clean up after people.  As a retail worker I can relate.  One of the main characters, Jennifer, has a crazy boyfriend that won't leave her alone.  He calls constantly, and shows up at the store, prompting another female employee to contact the police.  Like any quintessential 80's douchebag, he comes complete with a leather jacket, greasy hair, and a fruity-looking earring.

The aforementioned grocery store is owned by two men, who call all the employees to a meeting.  They break the news to the workers, that they are selling off the store, and they are all out of jobs, so the remaining work that they will be doing, will be to mark down prices, and close up shop.

As the film continues, someone is feeling rather murderous.  The deaths are brutal and creative.  My favorites include a person getting their face sliced in half with an electric meat slicer, and another person has their head crushed by a trash compactor.  The killer then leaves body parts all over the store, in a rather comedic fashion.  You even see a person getting smacked around with a severed head.

Like I mentioned, the film has many twists, and the killer isn't immediately revealed.  The movie is an absolute blast, and is very entertaining.  Throw this in your Netflix queue, because you aren't likely to find it in stores.  Go check out Intruder this Halloween!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I pledge allegiance to the Clipper Nation

As a new NBA season begins, I was once again left without a team to cheer on.  When I was younger, probably around 10 or 11, i loved Shaquille O'Neal and "Penny" Hardaway, and was a big Orlando Magic fan.  Shaq is still my all-time favorite NBA player, so I followed him to the Los Angeles Lakers.  Then, I just lost my interest in the NBA.  I am not really sure why, but i went from watching every Laker game that was televised in San Diego, to just not watching the sport at all.  I basically turned my back on the NBA.

Last season was the first time in a number of years that I actually watched the NBA.  I watched a few regular season games, and I watched three games in their entirety during the NBA finals.  I was slowly gaining back interest in pro basketball.  There was just one problem, I had no team to cheer on.  Sure, I could take the easy road and become a Laker fan, like all the other fairweather fans that dwell in this soft sports town.  However, doing whats popular was never been what Kevin Charity does.  When all the kids in school were jamming to hip-hop, I had my hard rock mix tapes.  Besides, if there's one thing that I can't stand about professional sports, it's bandwagon fans.  I support my Chargers and Padres, no matter what.  Even when times are bad, you have to keep fighting, that's what I believe.  Jumping on the Lakers bandwagon isn't something I wanted to do, let all the other idiots have them.  No baby, I've jumped on the Clippers train.  I am now a member of Clipper Nation.

Sure, I am going to be laughed at.  This team has had just two winning seasons since moving to Los Angeles in 1984.  Yes, they did leave my hometown in 1984, but I wasn't born until a year later, so the Clips are off the hook in that aspect.  Mention the word Clipper to a sports fan and you hear all kinds of unflattering adjectives:  joke, losers, pathetic, sad.  The list goes on.  However, maybe the tide will change with the passion I will bring to the table.  Granted, I am a San Diego sports fan, and all my teams have been lousy historically, but somethings gotta give, right?

Jumping on the Clippers bandwagon will probably lead to sleepless nights, indigestion, and combine their futility with that of my other teams, I will probably end up in an early grave.  However, this Clippers team has some great talent, led by Blake Griffin and Eric Gordon.  Sure, they lost to Portland tonight, but the season is young.  Who the hell wants to jump on the Heat or Celtics train, when the Clippers are just 100 miles up the road.  Any pussy can call themselves a Miami Heat, or a Los Angeles Lakers fan, however it takes a man with nuts the size of grapefruits, i.e. me, to openly pledge their allegiance to Clipper Nation.  I will chronicle my new found allegiance throughout the year on this blog.  I look forward to learning about the great Clippers of the past, folks like World B. Free, Terry Cummings, Benoit Benjamin, and the great Loy Vaught.

If you are an NBA refugee like me, consider hopping on the Clipper ship.  It sets sail tonight.  Join me, won't you?

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Movies to make your Halloween Scarier: Halloween 3, Season of the Witch

Ok, maybe I am bias.  I am a big fan of the Halloween series.  I believe it is the greatest horror franchise around.  Halloween 3 though, is definitely the bastard of the series.  It was panned by critics, and ignored by fans.  The main reason is simple:  no Michael Myers. 

After John Carpenter wrapped up 1981's Halloween 2, he wanted to end the saga of Michael Myers, Dr. Loomis, and Laurie Strode.  Carpenter intended the Halloween series to become an anthology, a different Halloween story each year.  An idea that sounds pretty rad on paper, but ask anyone the number one problem with this film is, and most will give you the same answer:  no Michael Myers.  Myers was supposed to be dead and buried, until they basically brought him back from the dead in Halloween 4(my all time favorite movie).  Anyway, the premise of Halloween 3:  Season of the Witch is simple, an evil corporation wants to kill children and punish society, by creating Halloween masks that explode when triggered by a television commercial.  The movie also has some pretty crazy death scenes.

In an early scene in the movie, an old man's skull is pulled apart, in a scene that might have given Quentin Tarantino his first erection.  There's another scene where the lower half of a woman's face is melted off by a laser.  There's many more to speak of, but lets get back to a brief plot synopsis.

Dr. Don Challis, a divorced Dad along with Ellie Grimbridge start investigating the strange men that were seen at the hospital where Dan works, and Ellie's father was murdered.  Their digging leads to small town and our antagonist Conal Cochran, where Challis learns of his evil scheme, and tries to stop him.

Like I mentioned earlier, this film gets a ton of shit, simply for being called Halloween 3.  If the film were called Season of the Witch, I think it would have a different legacy.  The film grossed around $14 million on a modest $2.5 million budget.  It was considered a disappointment however, as the previous installments made $53 million, and $26 million respectively.

If you like horror, with a sci-fi feel, check out Halloween 3:  Season of the Witch.  It reminds me a bit of Invasion of the Body Snatchers.  I feel that you will find this film is quite underrated.

Monday, October 25, 2010

The Walkman is all but dead

Sony is slowly, but surely fazing out obsolete technology.  Earlier this year, they stopped production of the floppy disk, and it looks like the Walkman is all but dead.  Today, Sony announced that production of the Walkman will cease in it's home of Japan, but units will still be produced in China, to be sold in the United States and the United Kingdom.

The Walkman was introduced in 1979, and it was really the first time music became portable.  People could stick in the Village People Cassette tapes, and strut their stuff all over down.  It also led to the demise of the 8-track, the bastard of musical formats.

Surprisingly, the Walkman only sold about 3,000 units worldwide when it first arrived in stores, yet sold around 200 million in its lifetime.  That number seems rather low, as I must have gone through 15 of these things during my youth.

As technology improved, the Walkman was fazed out by portable CD players, then later, MP players.  I used to love making mix tapes, and popping them in my Walkman.  Money was tight when I was a kid, so when my Mom didn't have the scratch to buy me that new Stone Temple Pilots tape, I went to the radio, popped in a blank tape, and recorded the music right off of the window.  It was a very primitive form of file sharing.  Those tapes kept me company on the walk to school, and sane in times of stress and uncertainty.

You all but gone Mr. Walkman, but not forgotten.  You paved the way for your grandson, little Ipod, who I would fuck if it had a vagina.  You were responsible for hearing-loss, and another way for me to tune out my parents.  I salute you, Mr. Walkman.  Enjoy retirement!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Chargers seize defeat from the hands of victory, lose to the Patriots

Kris Brown's missed 50 yard field goal attempt with 27 seconds left, looked good off of the foot, but ultimately banged off of the upright, and fell harmlessly to the ground.  When the dust settled, the Chargers were 2-5, and tied for last in the AFC West.

Chargers WR Richard Goodman
The Chargers once again dominated on paper, outgaining the Patriots 363-179.  A Tom Brady led offense has under 200 yards of total offense, and you lose?  The Patriots, who in their glory years of just a few years ago, routinely made big plays in the passing game, today their longest reception went for 24 yards, their only offensive play over 20 yards.  The Patriots never established a running game either, averaging just 2.3 yards a carry.  In fact, the Patriots had just 39 yards of offense at halftime.  Oh yeah, they also had a 10 point lead, thanks to 4 first half Charger turnovers.

The mental errors keep on compiling.  Kris Wilson takes a short pass, runs for a decent gain, then coughs up the ball, allowing the Patriots to cash in with a field goal.  Richard Goodman, an undrafted free agent out of Florida State, makes his first NFL catch, a nice 25 yard gain, but decides to celebrate before the play is dead, throws the ball on the ground, and the Patriots are given a gift turnover.  Rivers tries to lateral the ball to fullback Jacob Hester(another great A.J. Smith draft choice) and the ball clanks off of his hand.  If the Patriots offense bothered to show up on Sunday, the Chargers could have easily been down 28-3.

At one point in the fourth quarter, the Chargers trailed 23-6.  The fans at Qualcomm Stadium were going restless with anger.  Then Philip Rivers tried to bring back the Chargers with some of the brilliance he's shown over the last few years.

Rivers lead the Bolts on an impressive drive, including a 21 yard catch by Patrick Crayton on a 3rd and 15 play.  He found Darren Sproles a few times underneath and even hit another undrafted free agent receiver in Seyi Ajiroutu.  Rivers then found Antonio Gates for a 4 yard score, Gates' first catch of the day, and cut the Chargers deficit to 23-13.

The Chargers recovered the ensuing onside kick, and drove right back on the field.  Rivers hit Gates on a 26 yard reception, and Ajirotutu with another 20 yard strike.  Mike Tolbert punched it it from a yard out, and the Chargers were down 23-20.

The Patriots got the ball back, but couldn't get a first down, as Antwan Applewhite stuffed Benjarvus Green-Ellis at the line, and the Chargers had life.

The Chargers drove down to the Patriots 27 yard line, to set up Kris Brown for a game-tying field goal.  Yet another Chargers miscue, a false start penalty by guard Louis Vasquez, backed up the Chargers to the 32, and made Brown's attempt a 50 yarder.  Naturally, he just missed it, and if the Chargers season wasn't over before this, it almost certainly is now.

The Chargers are now looking up at Kansas City and Oakland, something that seemed crazy just a few months ago.  The Chargers are a pathetic -7 in turnover differential, a statistic that explains how the #1 ranked offensive and defensive team has a 2-5 record.  Norv Turner's seat has to be getting awfully hot, especially with Tennessee and Houston next on the schedule.

Movies to make your Halloween Scarier: Inside

While most of you have heard of the first entry into this series, I bet most of you missed this little gem, 2007's Inside.  Inside is a French horror film, and is probably one of the single most disturbing films I have ever seen.  Most horror films have a tendency to slow down a bit, and let you catch your breath.  Well, this film, after the first 10 minutes, never takes it's foot off of the gas pedal.  The film features suspense that will make your heart explode in your chest, and gore that you will make you want to toss your cookies.

The film opens up with a shot of a baby inside the womb, and the baby looks as if it recoils.  An expectant mother is in a car crash, which claims the life of her husband.  The film then fast-forwards to a moody and depressed Sarah(the main character, and protagonist) on Christmas Eve, as she awaits the birth of her child.  Later that evening, a strange, mysterious woman shows up at Sarah's door, asking to use the phone to call for assistance.  Sarah does not want to be bothered, so she tells the woman that her husband is asleep upstairs, but our mysterious stranger tells Sarah that she knows her husband is dead.

Sarah believes that this strange ordeal is over, and she retires to her bedroom to get some rest.  She awakens to find the stranger trying to puncture her stomach with a pair of scissors.  The rest of the film is a battle of survival between Sarah, the mysterious woman, and the people who arrive to help Sarah out of her ordeal, including police, co-workers, and her own Mother.  The ending is quite graphic, and a little unexpected.

Due to the premise and graphic violence of the film, it was widely ignored in America, although most horror sites call this film one of the best horror films of the 2000's.  It is unrelenting, and one of the scariest films I've ever seen.  This film is an absolute masterpiece of horror cinema, and belongs in the same breath as the classics.  Get you ass to Best Buy, or Amazon.com, and check out Inside today.  Although, I wouldn't recommend it if you are pregnant.

Movies to make your Halloween scarier: Hellraiser

Halloween is one of my favorite times of the year.  The weather is usually pleasantly cool, it gets darker earlier, and there's scary movies all over the television.  With about a week until the big day, I'm going to preview some really great horror movies for you all to check out.  Some are ones that you have probably seen, (like today's entry) and maybe some obscure ones that you may have missed.  So let's get into Hellraiser, shall we?

Hellraiser was released in 1987, and was directed by Clive Barker.  The film was adapted from Barker's novella, "The Hellbound Heart."  In the film, we met Frank Cotton, a man who is a violent womanizer.  He finds a mysterious box, which he opens, only to have Pinhead and his Cenobites appear.  Frank is violently mutilated and ripped apart by chains that pull apart his flesh.

We then meet Larry and his wife Julia.  Larry is Frank's brother, and he and his wife Julia decide to move into Frank's abandoned home.  While moving furniture, Larry cuts his arm, and his blood flows onto the ground.  The blood mysteriously disappears into the floorboards, like it never happened.  We then learn that Frank's soul used the blood to partially regenerate his body.

Frank convinces Julia to bring him bodies, so he can escape the world of the Cenobites, and return to the world.  The movie introduces us to Pinhead, leader of the Cenobites, and one of the most influential horror villains of the last 30 years.  The movie has elements of horror and fantasy, as some of the creatures look like something that you would see in a Tim Burton film.

The film explores sadomasochism, and the Cenobites, led by the infamous Pinhead, take victims into their world and experience their "pleasures" which involve soul-wrenching pain.

This movie is definitely one of my favorite horror films, and was produced on a budget of just $1 million.  It went on to gross about $14 million in the US.  While the film doesn't have many "jump scenes," the overall tone of the film is dark, mysterious, and very creepy.  The sequel, Hellbound:  Hellraiser 2, is also a pretty good flick.  The rest of the series is pure crap, so you have been warned.  Go check out Hellraiser this Halloween!