Friday, December 24, 2010

Douchebag of the Week: Hayley Williams

Hayley Williams, the sort of cute, but flat-chested frontwoman of Paramore has been in the news lately.  Two of the band's founding members, drummer Zac Farro, and guitarist Josh Farro left the band this week, under less than pleasant circumstances.  Williams immediately jumped to Paramore's website to address the situation, saying that the two members "didn't want to be here," while the Farro brothers paint a different picture here.  So what is the story behind the split?

Well, by many accounts alleged by the Farro brothers, Williams portrays her fellow bandmates as "hired guns," who are unable to make it on their own.  Her parents(who also were her managers) told the now former band members, that Paramore was Hayley's solo project.  Now, there are two sides to every argument, so why have I chosen to side with the disgraced bandmates?  Well, there is much evidence to support their claims.

When Paramore started to achieve mainstream success with their sophomore album, "Riot," Williams achieved much of the publicity, and her bandmates were treated as her subordinates.  As the bands popularity continued to rise, the ego of Williams continued to grow as well.  She even crossed over to pop, with her contribution to that "airplanes" song.  She is obviously trying to make a crossover into shitty, generic pop, a la Gwen Stefani.

I admit, I am a Paramore fan, they have been a bit of a guilty pleasure in between my metal and hardcore records.  Williams has a decent voice, and unlike most "pop" stars, she actually writes most of her own lyrics.  She's cute in that obtainable way, I see her, and I think I could actually bang her, unlike most pop stars.  However, if you listen to the bands new record, and follow the band, the demise was foreshadowed.

Williams comes off as the bitch in this situation.  She puts up a cliche-riddled "sorry to see them go," message, while her bandmates portray her in a different light.  The challenge for the flat-chested singer will be to write hit songs with Josh Farro, who helped write much of their music.  Then once what's left of Paramore is gone, she can make terrible songs like Katy Perry about kissing girls, and licking ass.  The only difference is I would give my left nut to spin Katy Perry's ass on my shaft, while I'd just buy Hayley dinner at Outback Steakhouse.  Average looking girls rarely make it in pop.  Sorry Hayley.

Don't worry Hayley, when we look back at your Behind the Music story, we can talk about how your massive ego led to the demise of a successful band, and that time you won the "Douchebag of the Week!"  P.S. get a tit job! 

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Last Time the Brewers acquired an Ace: Revisiting the CC Sabathia Deal

Back in 2008, the Milwaukee Brewers were surprisingly in contention.  On July 8 of that year, GM Doug Melvin pulled the trigger on acquiring Indians ace CC Sabathia, a move that cost him four prospects.  Sabathia was a one man wrecking crew in '08 for the Brewers, going 11-2, with a disgusting 1.65 ERA in 17 starts down the stretch.  He threw an astounding seven complete games, and helped the Brewers reach the postseason for the first time in 26 years.  After Milwaukee lost in the Division Series to the Phillies, CC went to New York.  Did the Brewers pay too much for an early playoff exit.  Here's a profile of what Milwaukee gave up.

  • First Baseman/Outfielder Matt LaPorta:  Laporta was supposed to be the centerpiece of the deal, a guy who many projected to be a great power hitter.  In 2008, he socked 22 homers in AA.  In his biggest sample at the big league level in 2010, LaPorta put up a .221/.306/.362 line, with 12 homers.  Still only 25, he should get plenty of at bats for the Tribe in 2011.
  • Pitcher Rob Bryson:  Rob Bryson was a 31st round pick of Milwaukee in 2006, and received a $300,000 bonus.  Missed most of 2009 due to injury, but was awfully impressive in 2010, putting up a 2.53 at three different minor league stops, and showed dominant stuff, striking out 13.5 batters per nine innings.  It wouldn't be a stretch to see him in Cleveland in 2011.
  • Pitcher Zach Jackson:  Jackson made his big league debut in 2006 for Milwaukee, putting up a 5.40 ERA in seven starts.  He is no longer with the Indians organization, and spent 2010 pitching in Las Vegas for the Blue Jays organization.  Nothing more than a journeyman at this point.
  • Outfielder Michael Brantley:  Brantley was the player to be named in this deal, after many reports said that 3rd base prospect Taylor Green would be headed to Ohio.  Brantley has been compared to Juan Pierre, a speedy outfielder who projects as an above-average defensive centerfielder, and a leadoff man who should be able to get on base.  In 2010 for the Tribe, Brantley put up a line of .246/.296/.327 with 10 steals.  Should be in the mix for an outfield spot in 2011.
In retrospect, the Brewers haven't missed the players that they gave up.  Jackson is no longer with the Indians organization, Brantley and LaPorta have done little at the Major League level, and Bryson isn't quite ready for the show.  Overall, the reward has outweighed the risk, and the Brewers got the best of this deal, so far.

Brewers acquire Zack Greinke from Royals

Take a look at Grienke's wife.  Yowza!
In perhaps the most surprising offseason move, the Milwaukee Brewers acquired 2009 American League Cy Young award winner Zack Greinke from the Kansas City Royals.  The Royals receive centerfielder Lorenzo Cain. shortstop Alcides Escobar, and two pitching prospects.  The Brewers also acquired shortstopYuniesky Betancourt and $2 million.

The move signifies that the Brewers are going all-in for 2011.  They acquired Shawn Marcum earlier in the offseason, and they are going to hang on to slugger Prince Fielder.  Their starting rotation now looks to be one of the strongest in the National League.  In 2010, the Brewers were 14th in ERA.

Greinke had a season for the ages in 2009, but regressed in 2010, going 10-14, with a 4.17 ERA.  He is a proven innings eater however, throwing at least 200 innings each of the last three seasons.

As exciting as this deal is for the Brewers, it is crushing to the Royals, as the team has traded their only proven starting pitcher.  Without Greinke in the fold, Luke Hochevar becomes the defacto ace, which should cause many sleepless nights for Royal fans.  Is there anything positive in this deal for Kansas City?  Lets take a look at the return Kansas City got for the ace.

  • CF Lorenzo Cain:  Cain got his first taste of big league action in 2010, hitting .306/.348/.415, with 1 HR, and 13 RBI's. rated him as the #13 Brewers prospect headed into 2010.  He is described as a "toolsy" outfielder with great speed and not a lot of power.  Should be roaming Kauffman Stadium in 2011.
  • SS Alcides Escobar:  Escobar has long been considered one of the top prospects in the Brewers system.  He became the starting shortstop in 2010, and struggled offensively with a .235/.288/.326, with 4 HR's and 41 RBI's.  He put up a 4.7 UZR at short, and should give the Royals a much needed defensive upgrade at short.
  • Pitcher Jeremy Jeffress:  Jeffress was the Brewers first round pick in 2006.  He made his big league debut in 2010, pitching it 10 games out of the bullpen.  He features a fastball that can reach the upper 90's, a good curveball, and is working on a changeup.  He also has been suspended for marijuana use.  Should be the 8th inning guy ahead of Joakim Soria
  • Pitcher Jake Odorizzi:  Was the 32nd overall pick in the 2008 draft.  He put up some impressive numbers in the minors in 2010, most impressive was his 135 strikeouts in 120 innings.  Scouts have compared him to Zack Greinke.
The Brewers also received Yuniesky Betancourt to man the shortstop position.  Betancourt did hit 16 dingers in 2010, but put up a lousy .288 OBP, and plays terrible defense.  He is essentailly a throw-in.

Kevin Says:  I like this deal for both sides.  Greinke, Yovani Gallardo, Shawn Marcum, and Randy Wolf give the Brew Crew one of the best rotations in the National League.  If Greinke pitches like he did in '09, Milwaukee is a legitimate World Series contender in 2010.

The Royals add to the deepest farm system in the game, and they gain three players who will impact their squad in 2011, and a minor leaguer who may have the most upside of them all.