Thursday, December 30, 2010

Urban Legends: Is Carl Winslow Gay?

Back in the early 90's, when i was a small child, TGIF ruled my Friday nights.  I went to ABC to get my generic family comedy fix.  All the hits were there, like Full House, Perfect Strangers, Hanging with Mr. Cooper, and my personal favorite; Family Matters.  As a child who had a less than normal upbringing, these cheesy sitcoms gave me an escape to what I thought a family should be, and Carl Winslow was the kind of Father I wanted.  He was a nice guy, but could give you a kick in the ass when needed.  Plus he was a badass cop, on the rough streets of Chicago.  It doesn't get much more masculine than that.  So, there have been many rumors over the years of Carl Winslow(portrayed by actor Reginald Vel Johnson) being a homosexual, but its hard for me to fathom, so lets take a look at the evidence.

Through my feverish google research, I can not find any record of good 'ole Reggie being married.  His IMDB page lists no record either, which would make him a 58 year old bachelor.  There have also been some interesting Internet rumors about him as well over the years.

My favorite however, was the rumor of him and James Avery(Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince) being gay lovers.  Can you imagine?  The two quintessential black TV Dad's of the 90's being romantically linked.  The only thing that could possibly top that, would be a tryst between Will Smith and Darius McCrary.  However, apparently James is married, so this couldn't be true, unless James got a little on the side.  I, however, do not buy this rumor.

Then, most of the roles that Johnson has selected over have been as the same type of character, a cop.  He played a cop in Turner and Hooch, he made a brief appearance as a cop at the end of "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, and in one of his most famous roles, he played Al Powell in Die Hard.  I like to pretend that his name is Al, and his character is the same one from Die Hard.  ABC should have done that, it could have been a great marketing tool.  So does Reginald, a.k.a. Carl the Great playing cops because he likes the Village People, or because  he is choosing masculine roles, so he can throw people off.  Or, its because he is a portly gentlemen.

We may never know the answer to this urban myth.  Reginald has stayed low since the conclusion of Family  Matters, choosing bit parts in movies, and a few TV shows.  Gay or not, his character, and Family Matters will always be a fond memory of my childhood.  Your a legend, Carl Winslow!

Five Guys that Should have made the Pro Bowl

Yes, I know that the Pro Bowl is an unwatchable piece of football.  It is always fun to debate the rosters, and this year is no exception.  While the Pro Bowl rosters only has 42 spots, as opposed to 53 for regular NFL teams, there were a number of players who were omitted from the preliminary rosters.  Many of the players chosen will bow out, but here's a list of five guys that should have made the cut, in no particular order.

  • Matt Cassel, Quarterback, Kansas City Chiefs:  I have been very outspoken in the past of Cassel, but his play this year has completely shut my mouth.  His 98.8 QB rating is 3rd in the AFC, behind fellow Pro Bowlers Tom Brady and Philip Rivers.  While his completion percentage leaves a lot to be desired, his 27/5 TD to INT ratio is excellent.  Plus he lead the Chiefs to the AFC West title.  Should be in over Peyton Manning.
  • Aaron Rodgers, Quarterback, Green Bay Packers:  I personally think Rodgers is the biggest omission of all.  Despite all the injuries Green Bay has faced, Rodgers has been as stellar as ever.  3rd in all of the NFL in QB rating, 3rd in the NFC with 27 TD's, and almost 3,700 yards passing.  Rodgers is one of the finest QB's in all of football.  I would put him ahead of Matt Ryan.
  • Chris Johnson, Running Back, Tennessee Titans:  Before the season, Johnson proclaimed that he could rush for 2,500 yards.  Well, it didn't work out as he planned, but he still has had a solid season.  Johnson is 3rd in the AFC with 1,325 yards, and has 11 TD's.  He has turned in a good season with instability at the Quarterback position.  Give him a slight edge over MJD.
  • Mike Wallace, Wide Receiver, Pittsburgh Steelers:  No, its not the guy from 60 minutes, its maybe the biggest deep threat in all of football.  Wallace is 4th in the AFC with 1152 yards, but is averaging a staggering 20.2 yards a reception.  He also averages 5.7 yards after the catch.  I'd take him over Reggie Wayne.
  • Antonio Garay, Defensive Tackle, San Diego Chargers:  The Chargers #1 ranked defense has no representatives, but Garay should have cracked the roster.  He was 4th among DT's with 5 sacks, and helped the Chargers rank second in the AFC against the run.  I'd give Garay a slight edge over Richard Seymour of the Raiders.  
These are five omissions that I feel should have been added to the respective Pro Bowl rosters.  Who would you select?

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Random Thoughts: Pornstars

Over the last few months, I have been very active on Twitter, a social networking website I once shunned.  Over on Twitter, I follow many pornstars, because well, I love porn.  It seems like every pornstar in the free world tweets, most of them plugging their website, or trying to get you to vote for them on some website.  It also gives me an opportunity to interact with them, and learn about their lifestyle.  Man, I have to tell you, pornstars are some strange, sensitive creatures.

Pornstars brag about their sexual exploits quite frequently.  Taking on multiple dudes, being covered in bodily fluids, and all the like.  Yet, they call fans names, and block them, when a fan makes a sexually suggestive remark.  A comment telling the pornstar what you would like to do them, could cause them to block you, and her followers verbally assaulting you.  Point taken.

I have also learned that many pornstars have "gift lists."  This is where your favorite pornslut, makes a list of items, such as: sexy lingerie, gift cards, electronics, and everything else in between.  Then pathetic losers buy items on these lists.  So you drop $50 bucks on a bra, in hopes that this pornstar will give you a shoutout on her site.  Yeah, totally worth it.  It's bad enough that most of these ladies charge $30 bucks a month for access to their site, and then people are stupid enough to buy them presents.  Unless I'm getting a special ride for my troubles, count me out.

My favorite conversation with a pornstar took place a few months ago, and a sort of pseudo interview with said pornstar.  I asked her if I paid her the going rate for what she does on screen, would she bang me and a couple pf my friends.  The pornstar was greatly offended, and blocked me.  What?  So it is ok for a pornstar to take three guys, and possibly a few farm animals on screen, yet the simple, casual proposition, was dismissed entirely, and taken as a sign of disrespect.  Funny, I figured the proposition of me and my buddies running a train on this busty young lady, sans the camera, would have been a treat for her.  Plus, she gets paid her on-screen rate for the encounter.  Sounds like a win-win, if I have ever seen one.

So next time you decide to interact with a pornstar, do buy her gifts, and suscribe to her website.  Do not treat her like a sex object.  Sounds like us male consumers of porn are the ones that are getting fucked here.

Chargers to Stick with G.M. and Coach

In a move that should surprise no one, the Chargers announced that embattled coach Norv Turner, and General Manager A.J. Smith will return for the 2011 season.  The announcement comes two days after an embarrassing loss to Cincinnati, 34-20.  The loss knocked the Chargers to 8-7, and eliminated them from playoff contention.

The perception by the public, is that Norv Turner has survived his disappointing run as coach of the Chargers, because he won't stand up to A.J. Smith, like former Head Coach Marty Schottenheimer would.  Well A.J. says that is not the case.

"There is an image that Norv is my puppet.  Just the opposite.  The man knows what he's doing.  The coach is coming back."  Smith told the San Diego Union Tribune.

Norv Turner is 63-40 in his career at the helm of the Chargers, but a talented roster has led to just one AFC title game appearance under his leadership.  The Chargers went 13-3 a year ago, but lost in the Divisional round of the playoffs.  This year, the team has given a very favorable schedule out of the gate, but turnovers and special teams caused them to start 2-5.  Turner will have another shot to led the Chargers to a title on 2011, assuming we have an NFL season.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Mike Singletary Canned in San Francisco

Mike Singletary was fired today, after his team fell to 5-10, after a loss to St. Louis.  Singletary has been a lightning rod for controversy in his 2+ years as head coach, for sideline arguments, and fiery press conferences.  His sideline argument with Troy Smith might have been the last straw.

Many experts picked the 49'ers to win a very weak NFC West(yours truly included) but instability at the quarterback position, and losing Frank Gore a few weeks ago, certainly didn't help matters.

Singletary had an 18-22 record in just over two seasons, after he took over for Mike Nolan, who was fired.  Defensive line coach Jim Tomsula will coach the Niners finale against Arizona.

Kevin Says:  The timing of this decision is questionable in my opinion.  The move might have made more sense when the Niners started off 0-5.  Even at 5-9, the Niners still controlled their own destiny for a division crown.

When Singletary took the job, I thought he would be able to win eventually, but Alex Smith never gave him much of a chance.  He did build a solid defense in San Francisco, and it wouldn't be surprising to see him get another job.  Retreads like Chan Gailey and Norv Turner did.

Chargers Playoff Hopes Freeze in Cincinnati

The Chargers season effectively ended on Sunday afternoon, with a lifeless performance on a cold, snowy day in Cincinnati.  The Chargers were smacked around, 34-20, to a team who had lost 11 of the last 12 games coming into week 16.

The Chargers first possession foreshadowed what the Chargers were in store for.  After a failed reverse on first down, in which the Chargers lost 19 yards on a fumble, the Chargers were forced to punt.  Trusty punter Mike Scifres, who is one of the best in the game, shanked a punt, which set up the Bengals at the Chargers 32 yard line.

The Bengals went ahead 7-0 with Carson Palmer hitting rookie tight end Jermaine Gresham on a 3 yard score.  It was a lead the Bengals would never relinquish.

After both teams exchanged punts, the Chargers lost another fumble, as Mike Tolbert took the handoff, and fumbled after colliding with a Cincinnati defender.  Roy Williams recovered at the Chargers 33, and the Bengals were in business.  Mike Tolbert was hurt on the play, and left the game on the stretcher.  As of this post, his status had not been updated.  The Bengals failed to score on the drive, but the game had a definite feel of a Chargers collapse.

The Bengals went ahead 13-0 when Carson Palmer found Jerome Simpson in the corner of the endzone.  Simpson torched the Chargers all day, with 6 catches for 124 yards, and two scores.  A little too late to pick him for your fantasy team.

The Chargers showed some life in the second half, cutting the deficit to 13-10, after Ryan Mathews ran for a 23 yard score in the third quarter.  Mathews finished the day with 55 yards on 12 carries, and the score.

Any momentum the Chargers had was squashed when Philip Rivers fired down the field, looking for Randy McMichael.  Instead, the pass found Bengals linebacker Rey Maualuga, and he ran it back 47 yards to set the Bengals up with another touchdown.

The Bengals officially ended the Chargers season when the aforementioned Jerome Simpson breezed pass Antonie Cason, and caught a 58 yard bomb from Carson Palmer.  When the dust settled, the Chargers lose 34-20, and will miss the playoffs for the first time since 2005.

Going into the season, I figured the Chargers would win the AFC West, and do little damage in the playoffs.  This season, another slow start doomed the Chargers.  Where do you place the blame?  Check back next week, as I break down the disappointing season.