Friday, March 11, 2011

Anyone Remember Adult Video Games?

Screenshot from Custer's Revenge
While hanging out with my nephews, I got to playing some old school Nintendo games on the Wii.  There were the classics, like Super Mario and Zelda, and some other terrible games my nephew plays.  That led me to think:  What are some of the most universally panned video games of all-time?  Sure, we know movies like Gigli, and Ishtar are considered some of the worst movies ever made.  But, do any video games inspire the same universal hatred?

Naturally, I turned to my trusty friend Google, and looked for some of the most terrible video games known to man.  I then stumbled upon a company called Mystique, which produced "adult" video games for the Atari platform in the early 80's, before yours truly was alive.

Almost all of their games were panned across the board, however one game in particular caught my eye;  the game called Custer's Revenge.

The game, inspired by the greatly inept General Custer, features nothing about a shit-kicking cowboy sporting nothing but a cavalry hat, boots, a bandanna, oh, and a huge boner.  Yes, that is correct, Custer has a rocket in his pocket.  The object of the game is to rape a large breasted Indian women named Revenge.  That's right folks, a game truly ahead of its time.

Custer's Revenge sparked a great deal of controversy back in 1982 when it was released, pissing off Indian groups and feminists to boot.  The game wasn't panned so much for these reasons, it was the shoddy gameplay that did it in.

The back packaging of the game said, "She's not gonna take it laying down, by George!  Help is on the way, he's coming." Subtle marketing at it's finest.

Screenshot from Beat Em & Eat Em, look out below ladies!
The next jewel that this company produced is called "Beat em & Eat em."  In this game, a pair of nude women run back in forth underneath a building.  Up above, a man with a notably large penis, masturbates out of the window.  The women pace feverishly, gobbling up the goo before it hits the ground.  Once you catch all the load, the woman looks at the screen and lick her lips.  Again, a game before its time.

I found both of these games on Ebay, and the bidding isn't too crazy at all.  Perhaps it might be worth your time to check it out.  I will be looking for an emulator as we speak!

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