Friday, January 14, 2011

Douchebag of the Week: Antonio Cromartie

Antonio Cromartie has been in the headlines an awful lot this week, and it isn't because if his play on the field.  Cromartie, a cornerback for the New York Jets popped off when asked about New England quarterback Tom Brady.

"Tom Brady is an asshole, fuck him."  Cromartie said to the press earlier in the week.

The media obviously beat this story in the ground, and while Cromartie assessment of Brady may be correct, Cromartie is the last person on either squad that should be running his mouth.  Cromartie is a walking punchline, 9 kids, by 8 women, in six different states.  He famously had difficulty naming all of his children, while doing an interview on Hard Knocks.  Cromartie was also singled out in an ESPN report, where it was alleged that Cromartie could only read 2 words a minute.  That claim wasn't dismissed by Cromartie's agent.

Cromartie is also one of the softest players the NFL has ever seen.  He famously was blasted by Shonn Greene last year in the playoffs, which effectively ended his tenure in San Diego.

The last thing an illiterate punk should do, is to get under the skin of a Hall-of-Famer.  Brady doesn't need anymore motivation to carve up the Jets defense, and it will only set up shame and embarrassment for Cromartie.

Cromartie just needs to keep his mouth shut, and leave the interviews to those athletes who can form sentences, and pull out once in a while.  The guy is one of the dumbest people on the face of the Earth.

It's all good 'Cro, after you get your ass beat on Sunday, you can celebrate your Douchebag of the Week Award!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Great Moments in Movie History: Anne Hathaway in "Havoc"

Oh, it gets better!
This movie is worth mentioning for reason, a nude Anne Hathaway!  The film itself is complete trash, with a story that makes absolutely no sense, and plot holes tat you could drive a tank through.

We meet Anne Hathaway's character,(names aren't important here) a privileged High School student, living it up in Beverly Hills.  Her and her friend, (played by the delicious Bijou Phillips) become engrossed in the urban hip-hop culture, and they decide to get a taste.  Anne's boyfriend is a wanna-be gangster, and after a gang of Mexican-American thugs embarrass him after a drug deal gone bad, whitey has a gun pulled on him. 

The next night, Anne, and Bijou head down to South Central, to hang out with their new-found gangbanger friends, and a promising relationship ensues.  After a few nights of hard partying, drinking beers, and smoking the green, Anne decides that she and Bijou should join the gang.  You know, two rich white girls joining a gang in South Central is completely believable, but initiation comes with a price.

The two girls are forced to play a dice game where they roll, and whatever number is rolled, the girl has to "take" that many members of the gang.  Anne luckily rolls a 1, which will preserve what's left of her dignity.  Bijou rolls a 3, but seems excited about the possibility of being stuffed like a turkey.  The two girls, and the excited fellas head to bedroom for the new members ceremony.

The reason this film is worth an add to your Netflix queue, is for some great double nudity.  First, Anne lets her zipper top off, and we see her goodies.  I always saw Anne as this sweet, innocent girl, so seeing her nude was quite the surprise.  On the other side, Bijou lets her top come down, and gets nasty.  The scene however, comes to an abrupt end when Bijou freaks out cause two guys join in at once.  Doing three dudes individually is not an issue, but taking two at once not only leads to a panic attack, but blue balls all around for the fellas.  Naturally, they blew any chance of joining the gang, and were forced to return to their lives of promiscuous sex, and pissing off their parents.

Overall this movie is rubbish.  Which is a shame because you have talent like Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Hathaway, it just was never believable.  There's even a scene where Phillips and Hathaway attempt to smoke crack.  Two rich teenagers girls doing a couple of lines of blow, but 2 girls from Beverly doing a Tyrone Biggums impersonation?  Get real, but the nude scene is an absolute classic.  That's why it is a great moment in cinema history.  

Just a little afterthought, check out Mr Skin's top 100 films.  I plan on seeing all these films in the near future!

Hokeless in San Diego

When Brady Hoke arrived in San Diego just two years ago, he stated that Michigan was his dream job.  As soon as Rich Rodriguez was fired, Hoke got his opportunity.

Hoke was announced as the Head Coach at Michigan today, after successful runs at Ball State, and San Diego State.  Hoke won 12 games at Ball State, which is impressive, considering it is located in Muncie, Indiana.  San Diego State doubled his salary, and he came out west.  San Diego just completed their most successful seasons in recent memory, including their first bowl win since 1969.  Yet, the signs of Hoke's possible departure were quite obvious.

Jim Sterk, the AD at SDSU, concocted a contract extension, which would give Hoke a substantial raise, yet he never signed it.  He was well aware of the situation at Michigan, and knew that if Harbaugh fell through, his name would be in the mix for the job at the big house.  Making a high six figure salary, while living in one of the most beautiful cities in the US is great, but pursuing the job you have dreamed of your whole life just can't compete.

As a fan of SDSU, I have mixed feelings about Hoke's departure.  It is hard to be mad at someone who is taking a better job, but the way he went out was a little classless.  He left SDSU without a face-to-face meeting with players or coaches; he sent out text messages.  He slipped out the backdoor, never to be heard from again.

On the flipside, he finally made SDSU football relevant in this town.  People were actually talking about the squad, without cracking jokes.  The team barely lost at Missouri, and nearly pulled out a win at TCU.  Ronnie Hillman, the fantastic running back broke Marshall Faulk's freshmen running back record.  It was truly an amazing season.

Rocky Long will take over, and hopefully he can continue to build up this program.  If squads like Boise State, TCU, and Utah can make BCS games, there is no reason why SDSU can't.  This team should be a contender in the new-looked Mountain West next season.

I can be bitter, but I don't blame Hoke for leaving.  I'd rather give him credit for a special season.  Good luck, Brady.