Friday, March 11, 2011

Douchebag of the Week: Jessie Lee

Jessie Lee is a fairly anonymous pornstar, who is featured on the site, which is ran by porn punker Joanna Angel.  She is well-known enough to have about 15,000 followers, on Twitter, including yours truly.(I'm a sucker for tatted chicks.)

I was up rather late last night, as the catastrophe unfolded in Japan, my followers and Twitter friends were talking about the tragedy going on in the Far East.  As the night unfolded, it became more personal, since the West Coast, including my hometown of San Diego, was on a tsunami watch.  The powerful quake, and the subsequent aftershocks, had a ripple effect throughout the world.

Some people tried to crack jokes, or ask questions, some prayed, and some tried to distract themselves with other things.  We all face global tragedy and uncertainty in many different ways.

Our porn punker princess popped off on Twitter with a few different lines, that spewed venom in her direction.

: Why is everyone tweeting me about the earthquake? News flash guys, I don't care.  There's also:  OMGitsJessieLee: Why am I getting such dick responses? Am I supposed to care about the earthquake?

Seems pretty cruel and heartless, right?  Well, it becomes even more messed up when you learn the backstory on our newest award-winner.

Jessie Lee was involved in a very serious car wreck at the end of 2010.  She claims that she almost died in the wreck.  The ensuing injuries have left her "unable" to work, and many different organizations came to her aid, raising money for her medical bills.  On the various websites, this lady claimed that she was legally dead, and medics brought her back.

You would think that someone who had a near-death experience of that magnitude, would have a little bit more compassion for human life.  I mean, if she does not care about all the Japanese that died or have been displaced, should we really care about just one ignorant fool nearly dying in a car wreck?  I think not.

The irony of her "not caring" about the quake, was that Los Angeles, and the entire West Coast was under a tsunami warning.  Los Angeles is also the current city in which she resides.  The earthquake that this bitch didn't care about, actually had an impact on her miserable, little life.

Eventually, she tried to do a little damage control, via Twitter, saying that she did not know what was going on.  However, if she is on Twitter, wouldn't you think that her timeline would be flooded(no pun intended) with tweets about the quake?  Completely invalid argument, and apology on her part.

Most of her tweets are about her hitting various bars and partying with different people.  So a near-death experience means that you can go out every night, yet not "work?"  I know that taking multiple cocks to the face can be a grueling task, but apparently one that she can complete at the present time.

When you say something stupid, apologize and be accountable.  Don't make excuses, and do not act like it never happened.  Hopefully it is a lesson this mental midget will learn.

Learn your lesson Jessie Lee:  think before you tweet, and actually care about the world around you.  People who don't even know you gave their money to help you in your time of need.  Perhaps you should think about doing the same.  Jessie Lee, our newest "Douchebag of the Week!"


Anyone Remember Adult Video Games?

Screenshot from Custer's Revenge
While hanging out with my nephews, I got to playing some old school Nintendo games on the Wii.  There were the classics, like Super Mario and Zelda, and some other terrible games my nephew plays.  That led me to think:  What are some of the most universally panned video games of all-time?  Sure, we know movies like Gigli, and Ishtar are considered some of the worst movies ever made.  But, do any video games inspire the same universal hatred?

Naturally, I turned to my trusty friend Google, and looked for some of the most terrible video games known to man.  I then stumbled upon a company called Mystique, which produced "adult" video games for the Atari platform in the early 80's, before yours truly was alive.

Almost all of their games were panned across the board, however one game in particular caught my eye;  the game called Custer's Revenge.

The game, inspired by the greatly inept General Custer, features nothing about a shit-kicking cowboy sporting nothing but a cavalry hat, boots, a bandanna, oh, and a huge boner.  Yes, that is correct, Custer has a rocket in his pocket.  The object of the game is to rape a large breasted Indian women named Revenge.  That's right folks, a game truly ahead of its time.

Custer's Revenge sparked a great deal of controversy back in 1982 when it was released, pissing off Indian groups and feminists to boot.  The game wasn't panned so much for these reasons, it was the shoddy gameplay that did it in.

The back packaging of the game said, "She's not gonna take it laying down, by George!  Help is on the way, he's coming." Subtle marketing at it's finest.

Screenshot from Beat Em & Eat Em, look out below ladies!
The next jewel that this company produced is called "Beat em & Eat em."  In this game, a pair of nude women run back in forth underneath a building.  Up above, a man with a notably large penis, masturbates out of the window.  The women pace feverishly, gobbling up the goo before it hits the ground.  Once you catch all the load, the woman looks at the screen and lick her lips.  Again, a game before its time.

I found both of these games on Ebay, and the bidding isn't too crazy at all.  Perhaps it might be worth your time to check it out.  I will be looking for an emulator as we speak!

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Awesome(and not so awesome) Baseball Promotions in 2011

Everyone wants something for free in these tough times.  For some of us baseball fans, going out to see our favorite team play is an experience in itself.  Give me a hot dog, soda, and put me at a ballpark, and I am in heaven.  For our other, less enthusiastic fans, ballclubs develop a bevy of promotions to get fans to the yard.  Some of the promotions are really great(I love bobbleheads) and some are pretty awful.  Here are some really great items to be had, and others that would keep me at home.

Bobbleheads:  Bobbleheads are always a huge hit with the crowds.  It is basically a doll, but with the giant head, of course.  I was really excited to get my hands on a Clayton Richard bobblehead last season, and will try to do the same for the ones offered this year.  Some of the notable ones offered this year include:  Zack Grienke, Mat Latos, Clayton Kershaw, Jose Batista, Brian Matsuz, and Joey Votto among others.

Figurines:  These are essentially bobbleheads, although they remind me more of the Starting Lineup action figures I used to collect as a child.  The Tigers are offering a really cool one of Austin Jackson making an unbeliveable catch.  The Tigers are also having a Star Wars night, an an attempt to woo nerds out to the ballpark.  I'm a little surprised they aren't having inhaler night.

Promo's for the Ladies:  Some women would rather be murdered than attend a ballgame, but a few teams have special gifts, just for you ladies.  The Royals are giving away special Mother's Day sunhats, and a few other teams are giving away handbags.  Now only if they can do something about the talking during the game.

Old Fashioned Doubleheader:  I remember hearing stories of yesteryear, when you could go out to Yankee Stadium, and see a couple of ballgames for the price of one.  Now when teams play doubleheaders, they require separate admission.  However, the A's scheduled a true doubleheader against the Angels.  One ticket, two games.  Sounds pretty freaking sweet to me.

With some of the cool promotions out of the way, lets take a look at some of the crap teams are giving away.  On a positive note, can you really complain if something is free?

MC Hammer Bobblehead:  I already covered bobbleheads earlier, although I felt that this one needed its own category.  They are giving these things away during an 80's night in Oakland.  The guy has been relevant in damn near 20 years.  I'd be more excited for "parachute pants night."

"Faith" Concerts:  There are a slew of free concerts on tap at the ballyards this year.  San Diego has some country yokel named Dierks Bentley, Pittsburgh has Train and Huey Lewis and the news, and Darius Rucker will be entertaining near you.  However, the Reds are reaching out by offering free concerts featuring Christian rockers MercyMe and some guy named Jeremy Camp.  No, thanks.

Wrestling Masks:  This promotion is happening in Anaheim, of all places.  I couldn't find a picture, but I'm assuming that we have a Lucha Libre mask.  This is definitely a promotion I'd expect to see in Atlanta or Texas.  No word on a folding chair night, yet.

There are some other really cool items being featured, a gumball dispenser for kids, all kinds of t-shirts, and even lunch boxes for kids.  Do yourself a favor and get out to a ballyard, even if its for the free swag!