Thursday, July 7, 2011

NCAA Football '12 Lets You Relive High School; I Propose My Ideas

If you fine folks were anything like me, high school was not a fun experience.  I battled all kinds of anxiety, and was glad to get out alive. Well, the popular video game, NCAA Football '12 is giving you that opportunity!

The Road to Glory mode has a pretty cool twist, in which it allows you to play games as a high senior.  The idea is that you put up some big numbers, and get that scholarship to play at Florida, Alabama, or any other college that you choose. You can even use a team importer, and actually play a real high school schedule.  So I, a Grossmont High alum, can take on our hated rivals from Helix.  All of this sounds really rad; but the mode definitely needs some tweaking.

I propose a "hottie" mode. If I am going to be the star quarterback, I want more that just a scholarship, I want what every high school baller wants:  chicks.  Lets say I throw 4 TD's, I want pick of the top choice girls in school. I can nail the captain of the cheerleader squad, or the weird artsy girl with the giant rack.  Choices, choices. Nailing a hot chick gives me more confidence, that translates onto the field. If I have a poor game, I can get my confidence back by getting a fat girl to give me a quick "handy" underneath the bleachers.

I also think that agents, and shady coaches should be instituted into the game, as the NCAA is dirtier than Samantha Ronson's snatch. As I am looking at colleges, agents offer to buy me Escalades, suits, watches, and whatever stupid crap teenagers like these days. I have to decide if that Rolex is worth my integrity. I can also sell my awards for tattoos, cocaine, hookers, and piercings.

You better believe that I am buying this game first thing Tuesday. I enjoy living vicariously through sports games, and I am sure this one will be no different.  Now starting at quarterback for YOUR Grossmont Foothillers, #6, Kevin "Moose Dick" Charity!  Get ready high school bitches, I'm coming for you!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

My Thoughts on Casey Anthony

I have not been following this case as much as many have, but I was floored when I found out she was acquitted not only of murder, but manslaughter too.  It seemed like the prosecution didn't have enough evidence to sentence her to death, but I figured all the circumstantial evidence would put her ass in jail for life.  Boy, was I wrong!

Like I said, I didn't watch every detail, but how does a little girl disappear for 28 days, and you, the mother fail to report it to the authorities. This bitch made up elaborate lies about where she worked, and even went as far as making up people that she associated with. Her own attorney even called her a slut.

So Casey will likely walk free on Thursday, but will she really be free?  She has long been guilty in the court of public opinion, with her erratic behavior, and mood swings.  She has acted suspicious from the initial disappearance.  She might be one of the most hated woman in recent American history.  I honestly cannot think of one person who offered her support. I think the nation was hoping that she would be put to death.

She will likely be free like the rest of us.  Free to shop at the stores, free to drink until she blocks out. Free to start a blog and write about her opinions.  The same freedoms that you and I work for, and she will be among us.  The media tells us that there will be no book, no movie, and Casey doesn't stand to make a profit from her infamy. I disagree.

I think the networks will want an interview with her.  She is virtually unemployable, so she will need the money.  ABC could throw down a million for a candid interview.  Would people want to read a book about her experiences? Probably, people have a fascination with psychopaths, and while a publisher may be hesitant to publish a book written by her, I think that it would sell well.  The OJ book "If I Did It" was never published, but who said Casey would go with that angle?

The champagne is flowing, the defense team won one of the most famous trials in recent memory. A family is shattered forever, as the pieces can never be put back together. Meanwhile, a little girl who suffered, possibly at the hands of her mother, will never receive the justice she deserves.  A life that ended way too soon, in a completely pointless way. Casey wanted to slut it up and party, while shirking her responsibilities, she should have given little Caylee up for adoption, or passed her on to her grandparents.  Instead, the little girl is disposed of like she's a piece of garbage.

It is moments like these where I question my faith in mankind, and a "higher power."  A little girl loses her life, and the likely murderer walks the Earth. The jury had enough evidence to at least convict her of manslaughter, assuring that she would never see the light of day.  Instead, she will walk among us, with Caylee's blood all over her hands.  Not one of the juror's had the balls to face the media, and let the nation know what the hell they were thinking.  Completely gutless.

I would not be surprised if someone pulls a Jack Ruby, and ices the cunt(excuse my vulgarity).  Someone could shoot her in the middle of Times Square, and I bet everyone would look the other way.  No one wants to see Casey alive. 

RIP Caylee, a nation weeps for a life that could have been, and never will be. 

Kevin's Top All-Star Snubs

The Major League All-Star rosters are almost set(last man votes pending) and each team will be stacked with 35 players. I do not feel that people can complain too much about snubs, as 70 players will participate; however there are always a handful of decisions that make me scratch my head. Here are a few of the players that deserve roster spots, and the players they should replace.

C.C. Sabathia, New York Yankees:  Whenever I think about true #1 starters, Sabathia is one of the first names that pops into my mind. He is tied for the league-lead in wins with 11, and is third in innings. His ERA and WHIP aren't as tidy as some of the other options, but I find it hard to believe that 14 pitchers in the AL are better this season. I would take him over Seattle's Brandon League, who nearly lost his closer job in May.

Mark Texiera, New York Yankees:  Yes, another Yankee, but his numbers are too good to ignore. Sure, his .244 average sucks, but he is paid to hit homers and drive in runs. He is 2nd in the AL in both homers and RBI's, and has a great reputation as a fielder. The AL only has two 1st baseman, and 3 catchers. I take him over Yankees C Russell Martin, who is hitting .219 for the season.

Alex Gordon, Kansas City Royals:  I figured Gordon was a shoe-in since every team has to have a representative, but Ron Washington took reliever Aaron Crow. Well, Gordon should be there anyway.  He is hitting nearly .300, and slugging nearly .500. He has 24 doubles, which is tied for 3rd in the AL, and is on pace to drive in 90 runs. He has also hit 3rd, 4th, and has even led off for a stretch. I'll take Gordon over Michael Young of the Rangers.

Andrew McCutchen, Pittsburgh Pirates:  I figured Andrew was a lock for the NL squad as well. The Pirates have played well, and he is one of the best centerfielders in the game today.  Has a line of .294/.392/.498, and has 15 steals. He also plays above-average defense, and the NL team is loaded with corner outfielders. I'll take McCutchen over the Reds' Jay Bruce.

Tommy Hanson, Atlanta Braves:  One of the biggest headscratchers of them all, I bet he makes the team before the first pitch is thrown.  Hanson has an impressive 10-4 record, has a high strikeout rate, and has only allowed 6.2 hits per 9 innings. He is one of the best young pitchers in the game today.  I'll take him over Tim Linecum, who has a losing record, and an ERA over 4 in his last ten starts.

Chase Headley, San Diego Padres:  No, this is not a homer pick. With David Wright and Ryan Zimmerman missing considerable time this year, there is no clear-cut choice to back up starter Placido Polanco. He is 7th in the NL with a .395 on-base percentage, and he is tied for 6th in doubles. His home run and RBI totals are low, but he has hit .304 with runners in scoring position. A much better choice than Chipper Jones of the Braves.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

The End of My Retail Career: Screw You Office Depot!

Since 2004, I have toiled away at Office Depot, and that era came to an end earlier this evening.  I was offered a position in a slightly different industry, and decided to pursue a new career. Retail is a job that no one wants to do, but when you have bills to pay, you work where you can. How many children grow up and say, "When I grow up, I want to go into retail?" Surely none, I would hope.

Before taking my job at Office Depot, I worked at McDonald's, and it was my High School job. Believe it or not, McDonald's was actually a pretty cool place to work--when your sixteen. When you are pushing twenty, and attending college, girls aren't attracted to guys who wear paper hats. A change was sorely needed.

So I stumbled upon Office Depot, not because I valued a career there, but I valued the proximity to my home. After an interview I was hired to be a part-time stocker, at a higher hourly wage than I received as a manager trainee at McDonald's. I was pretty stoked to be able to come home from work, and not smell like grease, french fries, and shit.

Office Depot was pretty cool for awhile. They worked around my school schedule, I usually got the time off I requested, and the job required almost no brainpower. When management realized that I possessed the ability to sell, I was moved into the technology department. After a few months, I was offered a full-time position. Then started the discontent with the company.

Obviously, the weak economy took its toll on an office supply company, as payroll was dramatically decreased, which led to the  reduction of hours. Essentially, every hourly employee was forced to take a paycut. Then Office Depot decided that they were going to attempt to compete with Best Buy, with the institution of Tech Depot Services. A customer is supposed to bring in a PC for a "free PC checkup." The associate plugs in the computer to our network, and the computer gives a quick diagnosis of the system. Our job is to then browbeat the customer into purchasing a virus removal service for $199. Hell, even when you perform the service, then run a PC checkup, it still tells you that the computer "is not optimized."

Are you buying a new PC? No problem, we have plenty of ways to overcharge you. Looking at that shitty Compaq for $329? Well, you are going to need your PC optimized--obviously. That will run you $69 to $129, depending on the version of McAfee you'd like. The "top-tier" service gives you recovery discs, something any moron should be able to do. Don't forget about your $119 protection plan, so that $300 laptop is now $600. Not selling these services warrants you a dirty look from your supervisor.

What exactly does having your PC optimized mean? Well, we charge you to delete the trialware. Ya know, the games you don't want, that you should be able to uninstall yourself. Pretty stupid, huh?

I am not blaming Office Depot for these dumb services. Every tech company, like Best Buy offers the same thing, although Best Buy actually trains their employees. Office Depot is just trying to improve their market share. I do not think browbeating and lying is the way to do that.

Shortly before I quit, I was pulling into my managers office for a little pep-talk. Ya know, "How can you improve your numbers," and things like that. He told me that the only way people are going to know about our computer services is through word-of-mouth. I sat there, somewhat baffled. A retail chain, with over 1,000 stores in the US needs employees to advertise for them? Is Office Depot sans a marketing department? Unreal.

My objective as a tech associate is to sell these services, which I feel I did. However, when a customer walks into the building for pens or envelopes, I am supposed to talk to them about their computer. "Hey mister, I see you are buying a pack of Uniball pens. How is your computer working? Is it slow? Bring it in, and we can look at it. FOR FREE!

I don't know about all of you, but if I were there to buy some pencils, and some idiot was trying to get me to buy computer services, I probably wouldn't step foot in that store again. Perhaps its just my antisocial ways, but I think its wrong.

Office Depot is not all bad. They allowed me to work there for almost seven years. I have made a lot of friends, and even met my current girlfriend there. It is not all bad, and I learned a lot, and actually discovered that I have the ability to sell products, a talent that will serve me well for the rest of my life. Office Depot has just lost its way, and I hope they figure it out. I would hate to see thousands of my retail brothers and sisters out of work.