Thursday, September 29, 2011

The Gospel of Tito Burroughs

A few weeks ago I got a friend request on Facebook, by a dude named Tito Burroughs. I usually add people who aren't obviously spam, as a means to drive more eyeballs towards the media empire I am slowly trying to build. Anyway, one of the recent request I received was from a man named Tito Burroughs. I almost deleted him within a few hours. His wall posts are crazy, religious ramblings that are often incoherent. However, they are hilarious, and I cannot turn away.

A little info on my man Tito: According to his page he is 38, lives in North Carolina, is black, and is a Jehovah's witness. Jehovah's witnesses are weird if you ask me, they do not celebrate holidays, they refuse to serve in the military, and do not donate blood. They also generally do not associate with people who are not of their faith. Translation: they are selfish, snobbish pricks.

Anyway, this nuts posts are so ridiculous, you have to wonder if he is high while typing. His posts are also some of the longest I have ever seen on Facebook. Here are some of my favorites: IF YOU HAVE NO COP BADGE OR ID BADGE
YOU GET
... NO FOOD
NO GAS
... NO WEED
NO WARTH
NO AIR
NO TV
NO CAR
NO JOB
NO HOUSE
NO CELL PHONES
NO PDAS
NO COMPUTERS
NO FACEBOOK
NO TWITTER
NO TOLLET PAPER
NOTHING MOTHERFUCKERS


Here are a few more:  A LOT OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS FUCK UP
THE GOVERNMENTS
AND RICH WON
I HAVE NO VISIONS
... I HAVE NO BIBLE
I HAVE NOTHING MOTHERFUCKERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
BUT MY FUCKIN WORD ASSHOLESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

OUR ASS BELONG TO SATAN ASSHOLESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ON 9/26/2011 I AM GOING TO LOOK LIKE A IMPERFECT NAVY SEAL FOR THE USA TO TIME INDEFINITE FOREVER GENERAL TITO ASSHOLESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
HAVE MY DIVINE 380S READY AND MY UNITED NATIONS OFFICE READY OBAMA
... LOVE YOU FOREVER
TELL ME NO AFTER 9/26/2011
... YOU GOING STRAIGHT TO JAIL AND WHEN YOU DIE YOU AUTOMATICALLY GO STRAIGHT TO SATAN
TRUE GANGSTERS OPERATE ABOVE THE LAW THEY DO ALL
AFTER 9/26/2011

This nutjob preaches about a war, in which he will take over the world, because Jehovah preached to him. He will have full control of everything, and we will have to join him, or die. Part of me laughs profusely when he posts, the other part feels like I have an obligation to call the government, in case this nut actually tries something stupid. If you like crazy people, look up Tito Burroughs, its a riot!

Biggest Choke Job Ever: My take on the Red Sox

When I made my predictions at the beginning of the season, I predicted a Brewers vs. Red Sox World Series. While I may be correct on the Brewers, the Red Sox folded like a lawn chair. While many experts are giving credit for the Rays surging in September, the fact is, they only made the playoffs because Boston played terrible. Quite frankly, it is the biggest choke job in my lifetime, and lets not forget that I am a Chargers fan.

This team blew a 9 game lead in September, going 7-20 down the stretch. They looked less like a $160 million "dream team," and more like a nightmare. The pitching staff was brutal down the stretch, the offense failed to deliver at key points. The Sox also went 2-5 down the stretch to the lowly Orioles, a team they should have destroyed. Where do you place the blame for all of the transgressions?

Some are blaming coach Terry Francona. Come on. Sure, you could argue the fact that he did not have the team prepared to play well, but the guy has won 2 World Series rings. Who are you going to get to replace him? Bobby Valentine, Jerry Manuel, or some other coach we haven't heard of? Give me a break!

If anything, you can blame Theo Epstein. After all, he dished out a terrible contract to Carl Crawford. Sure, Crawford has been great in his career, but he is not worth $142 million. Hell, I would debate if he was worth half of that going to 2011. His on-base percentage was .289 this season, which puts him in the elite company of Kevin Kouzmanoff and Yunikesky Bentancourt. A scary proposition indeed.

Injuries also played a key role in the Sox failures this year. Starters like Josh Beckett, Clay Buchholz, Kevin Youkillis, and J.D. Drew all missed significant time. However, a team with the budget the Sox have should be able to overcome this. Hell, winning just a few more games in September, gets them into the playoffs. The team looked unstoppable for most of the season, but they were brutal in April and September.

Some players, like Crawford blamed themselves. Others like Adrian Gonzalez said "that God didn't have it in the plans for the Sox." Really, man? Adrian is one of my favorite players, but the guy appears to be soft mentally. In an interview with the Boston Globe, he blamed the team's schedule and ESPN, since they had to play so many Sunday night games. Adrian, what did you expect? This isn't San Diego, people actually want to  watch the Sox. As a man who just relieved a huge contract, this is something that should be expected. Adrian's take personifies what Boston was down the stretch--soft.