Saturday, June 2, 2012

Random Thoughts: White People and Chopsticks

I will be the first to admit that I am a little neurotic, and somewhat irrational when it comes to certain things. However, I do have a long list of pet peeves. I am sure I could write a book about all the things that people do that get on my nerves. One thing that bugs me, is when white people eat with chopsticks.

According to Wikipedia, which been writing papers for me since 2006, chopsticks originated in ancient China. I suppose their cultures were too refined to eat with their hands, unlike their English counterparts. I went to Medieval Times once, so there is no need to bother looking that one up. Those sloppy bastards would pick up pheasants, chickens, and probably people with their bare hands, and pop them in their mouths. The more corpulent you were, the more desirable you were. Can you imagine a society where Rosie O'Donnell is a hot piece of ass? No thanks.

Anyway, I guess stupid white people think they are getting some cultural experience when they roll up to Panda Express. They walk in, see all of the Chinese fans everywhere, with Chinese scripture that likely says "You dumb motherfuckers are eating dog." In the kitchen, some sweaty dude named Pedro works up a heaping pile of Chow Mein and "pork." Steve, and his family come here to get a little taste of culture. Steve looks at his son, and says "Steve Jr., put down that fucking spork, you little putz. We are here to be cultured Americans, and embrace our slanty-eyed pals. Pick up these here chopsticks!"

I was raised to eat with a fork. Everyone else born in this country was too. I am not racist, but it just bugs me when white people eat with chopsticks. I wonder what the thought-process is for this individuals are. Asians eat with chopsticks, this is Asian food, so I suppose I should put my fork away. I need to learn to embrace cultures.

Personally, I would like to see white folks eat with chopsticks ALL the time. If they go a Mexican joint, bust out those suckers when you chow down on some rice and beans. If you can eat chow mein with chopsticks, surely you can snare some pasta with those magical utensils. I could go on for days, but nah, whiteys just use them when they eat Chinese food.

I grabbed some Chinese cuisine the other day at a spot that I love, and sat down to eat my chicken, rice, and beef -- with a fork. I looked around at all the faces in the restaurant, and everyone with caucasian. I counted heads --7 people in all, 4 were eating with chopsticks. I was floored, and slightly annoyed, and I shook my head and continued to eat.

Perhaps I am a little intolerant, and even a little strange for having such a stupid pet peeve. It just bugs me. I really have no rational explanation. I guess it is time to seek help.


  1. I eat with chopsticks because it is fun. My kids ate their chicken nugget/green bean dinner last night with chopsticks. It is fun.

  2. Yep. You're crazy.

  3. It bugs me too

  4. I wouldn't say that it bothers me, however, I do find it a bit odd, especially since most non-Asian people don't use them correctly. I am half Japanese and half American and grew up using chopsticks, since almost everyday rice was made along with some Japanese style food. We also had longer chopsticks used only for cooking. It's easier to eat Japanese food with it, I think. Chinese food though, I use a fork. I'm not quite sure what my point was, but one thing I'd like to mention is that I use chopsticks when I'm out and since I look "white", people probably think I'm one of those people you've described in your article. Oh well. Sorry for the long response!

  5. Chinese/Japanese use spoons and chopsticks. Its perfectly acceptable to eat fried rice with a spoon.

  6. Chinese/Japanese use spoons and chopsticks. Its perfectly acceptable to eat fried rice with a spoon.

  7. Chinese/Japanese use spoons and chopsticks. Its perfectly acceptable to eat fried rice with a spoon.