The title of this blog is a reference to an album by post-hardcore band Adair. Adair was one of my favorite bands, and their only full length album, released in 2006, is worth your time. The purpose of this post is not to talk about the band, but how this title is a metaphor for my life, and the things that I am experiencing.
Recently, my 3-year romantic relationship came to an end. It was completely unexpected, and very painful. It was not something I wanted to go through, but we do not always get what we want. Life is all about dealing with adversity, and finding the positive in a very negative situation. It is finding something beautiful in an ugly portrait.
When I was in high school, I was a bit of a loner. People, and especially girls, freaked me out. If you gave me the option of dousing myself in gasoline and lighting myself on fire, or asking out the pretty girl in Algebra, then you better find a fire extinguisher to help put my pathetic ass out. As I have gotten older, I have discovered that I am worthwhile, and I actually like myself as a person.
I used to hope that I could get a girl to notice me, because I thought it was a solution to all the problems that I had. I looked around at all the happy couples around campus, and came to a conclusion that I was pathetic, because I was not attached to the hip of a female.
As I have gotten older, I have had a few relationships, all of which have failed for one reason or another. One was because of infidelity on my part,(ironic, I know) and the other was just a couple that realized that they were completely incompatible. Both relationships failed, but I learned from them, and I tried very hard not to make the same mistakes twice.
I cannot really say what happened this time. The intention of this blog is not to put that person on blast, and vent out personal information. I have a myriad of thoughts and feelings throughout this situation. Sadness. Anger. Disbelief. Optimism. It is that last one that sticks out to me.
I have never thought of myself as someone who can be optimistic, especially when it comes to own life. Everything has always been doom-and-gloom. A few years ago I would have done nothing but sulk, in between punching a hole in any wall that had the nerve to leer at me. However, I feel like I am taking a different approach.
I have allowed myself to allow the dust to settle. That relationship is over, and will not have a reconciliation. I can remember the good times that we had together, and keep those memories. The loss of someone you care about stings like hell, but so does regret. So does bitterness. Why dwell on something, when there are other things to look forward to.
For now, I am going to move on, with my head held high. I am a great person, and I feel like any lady would be lucky to have me. I can use the failures of my last relationship, to help me with any new relationship that may develop.
I revisit the title of this blog. Sometimes things have to fall apart, for something else to take its place. If you have experienced a breakup, or lost a job, just remember that something great may be on the horizon. Things fall apart, but you will always have yourself. You and I are capable of overcoming any obstacle. You and I are valuable, and failure will not define us.
I know that there is a girl out there for me, I just have not met her yet. One journey has ended on a sour note, but another is about to begin.