Friday, October 26, 2012

Random Thoughts: Confidence

Confidence is a funny thing. Some people have an abundance of it -- they can assert themselves into any situation and feel comfortable, even thrive. It is probably the number one trait that I admire in others, as I never have ever had much of it. In most facets of my life anyway.

I have longed to be that cocky asshole we all hate. The douchebag who uses too much hair gel, dresses like a dope, yet can walk up to any girl at a party and talk to her like he has known her all his life. I watch this guy from afar with his insincere pickup lines, his stale sense of humor. I wonder how any girl would fall for this idiot who thinks he is smooth. At the end of the night he lives with the hottest chick in the room and I leave alone.

In unfamiliar situations, I like to observe. I focus on the body language of others and how the people assemble themselves into a click. It is really applicable to any situation. Personally, I like myself. I think I am a valuable human being and I have traits that any person should be attracted to -- be it as a friend, acquaintance, romantic partner, or just another human being. I have yet to master the art of conveying that to others.

Part of the reason I decided to seek treatment was to build up some sort of confidence. Perhaps I can make others see the things I like in myself. Confidence is something I have never had, except for my writing.

I love to write and quite frankly, I am probably better at it then you. I am funny, I am witty and I am fucking entertaining. Don't believe me? Close the browser. I firmly believe that I am better than many who get paid to write professionally. In fact, why the hell am I not making a living as a writer?

I like the feeling I get from writing. It makes me feel better about myself. There has to be a way to apply that cockiness to my daily life. Sure, instead of coming across as a laid-back, nice guy, some might view as an asshole. At the end of the day, is that such a bad thing?

It seems like I just need to find a middle ground. I am hoping the ensuing weeks help me find the answers that I am looking for.


  1. You should work on your spelling and grammar if you're going to claim to be better than anyone at writing.

  2. Nothing is misspelled there homie. Thanks for reading, douche!

  3. Anonymous should get a life. Nice take Kev.

  4. I love taking pics of my poop and sending it to other people. LOL.

  5. I'm probably better at it "then" you? Check again, "homie." Rookie mistakes everywhere. I guess you're not better at it THAN me. I even gave you a hint in my first response.