I have longed to be that cocky asshole we all hate. The douchebag who uses too much hair gel, dresses like a dope, yet can walk up to any girl at a party and talk to her like he has known her all his life. I watch this guy from afar with his insincere pickup lines, his stale sense of humor. I wonder how any girl would fall for this idiot who thinks he is smooth. At the end of the night he lives with the hottest chick in the room and I leave alone.
Part of the reason I decided to seek treatment was to build up some sort of confidence. Perhaps I can make others see the things I like in myself. Confidence is something I have never had, except for my writing.
I love to write and quite frankly, I am probably better at it then you. I am funny, I am witty and I am fucking entertaining. Don't believe me? Close the browser. I firmly believe that I am better than many who get paid to write professionally. In fact, why the hell am I not making a living as a writer?
I like the feeling I get from writing. It makes me feel better about myself. There has to be a way to apply that cockiness to my daily life. Sure, instead of coming across as a laid-back, nice guy, some might view as an asshole. At the end of the day, is that such a bad thing?
It seems like I just need to find a middle ground. I am hoping the ensuing weeks help me find the answers that I am looking for.