If you have been following this blog over the last month, I have been pretty open about my battle with various anxiety issues. Cognitive therapy starts in November, but until then the good doctors have put me on Celexa, a drug designed for people with anxiety issues.
The pills are supposed to take about 4-6 weeks to work, and so far I really haven't noticed a significant difference. I have noticed that my outlook has changed on life a bit, but I am not sure if that is my own doing. I don't feel the daily anxiety subsiding at all, so it is really hard to figure out where my improved optimism is coming from.
However, there have been some pretty gnarly side effects from these pills. The first, and most obvious, is the lack of sex drive. Granted, I am single, and have not made any effort to pursue the opposite sex. Before I used to break my neck to check out any half-breathing female that I crossed paths with. Now, I don't give most women a second look. I noticed that I don't have much of an interest in pursuing the opposite sex either. I am no social dynamo, but I really do not feel like being anywhere near a potential romantic relationship.
I have found that I have also been having some vivid, gut-wrenching dreams. I honestly cannot remember details about them, but I woke up feeling like shit, and the dreams put me in a terrible mood all day. A few I vaguely remembered involved my recent ex-girlfriend. Some involved some kind of death or terrible situation. I thought about keeping a pen and a notebook next to my bed to jot down the details, but I haven't gone that far. Vivid, realistic dreams are a side effect. So are suicidal thoughts and actions. I'll be sure to post when I slit my wrists.
I am trying to be more optimistic and I think it is working. I am naturally a pretty negative person. I expect the worst out of people and any situation. I am a nice person, and I always treat everyone I come across with respect, but I always have doubt in the back of my mind. Perhaps it some sort of defense mechanism? Just more fodder for a doctor, I suppose.
At the last doctor's office, he asked me if I had any questions. I asked how will I know when the medication actually starts working, or how does the medication actually work? He gave me some scientific explanation that went over my head. I guess I will know when I do not feel as paranoid in certain situations. The fun has just begun.