Saturday, June 2, 2012

Random Thoughts: White People and Chopsticks

I will be the first to admit that I am a little neurotic, and somewhat irrational when it comes to certain things. However, I do have a long list of pet peeves. I am sure I could write a book about all the things that people do that get on my nerves. One thing that bugs me, is when white people eat with chopsticks.

According to Wikipedia, which been writing papers for me since 2006, chopsticks originated in ancient China. I suppose their cultures were too refined to eat with their hands, unlike their English counterparts. I went to Medieval Times once, so there is no need to bother looking that one up. Those sloppy bastards would pick up pheasants, chickens, and probably people with their bare hands, and pop them in their mouths. The more corpulent you were, the more desirable you were. Can you imagine a society where Rosie O'Donnell is a hot piece of ass? No thanks.

Anyway, I guess stupid white people think they are getting some cultural experience when they roll up to Panda Express. They walk in, see all of the Chinese fans everywhere, with Chinese scripture that likely says "You dumb motherfuckers are eating dog." In the kitchen, some sweaty dude named Pedro works up a heaping pile of Chow Mein and "pork." Steve, and his family come here to get a little taste of culture. Steve looks at his son, and says "Steve Jr., put down that fucking spork, you little putz. We are here to be cultured Americans, and embrace our slanty-eyed pals. Pick up these here chopsticks!"

I was raised to eat with a fork. Everyone else born in this country was too. I am not racist, but it just bugs me when white people eat with chopsticks. I wonder what the thought-process is for this individuals are. Asians eat with chopsticks, this is Asian food, so I suppose I should put my fork away. I need to learn to embrace cultures.

Personally, I would like to see white folks eat with chopsticks ALL the time. If they go a Mexican joint, bust out those suckers when you chow down on some rice and beans. If you can eat chow mein with chopsticks, surely you can snare some pasta with those magical utensils. I could go on for days, but nah, whiteys just use them when they eat Chinese food.

I grabbed some Chinese cuisine the other day at a spot that I love, and sat down to eat my chicken, rice, and beef -- with a fork. I looked around at all the faces in the restaurant, and everyone with caucasian. I counted heads --7 people in all, 4 were eating with chopsticks. I was floored, and slightly annoyed, and I shook my head and continued to eat.

Perhaps I am a little intolerant, and even a little strange for having such a stupid pet peeve. It just bugs me. I really have no rational explanation. I guess it is time to seek help.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Why I Hate the Draft Lottery

The Charlotte Bobcats suffered through one of the worst seasons in professional sports history. The team has a disturbing lack of talent, and desperately needs an infusion of talent. The reward, would seemingly be a unibrowed budding superstar - and a little bit of hope. In 2012, the Bobcats won 10 percent of their games, and ended the year on a 23 game losing streak.

In most sports, the Bobcats would own the #1 pick, and some much-needed optimism for a beleaguered fan base. Instead, they end up with the #2 pick, and that is actually not as bad as it could have been. The Bobcats have a 25% chance to land the 1st pick, and around a 37% to fall to the 4th pick. In actuality, the Bobcats lucked up by getting the 2nd pick.

There are a fair share of conspiracy theories - I have thrown out a few myself, and it is easy to connect the dots. The New Orleans Hornets are currently owned by the NBA, until the deal is completed with Tom Benson, who also owns the Saints. Perhaps a deal went down where Benson was promised the 1st pick, for taking the Hornets off of the league's hands. The Hornets are an unpopular franchise nationally, and reports are that they are hemorrhaging money. Yahoo's Adrian Wojnarowski had a piece, discussing such a theory, as Stern is looking to perhaps "maximize" value for the franchise.

Last year, the Cavaliers got the 1st pick, after making a trade with the Clippers. That pick, only had a 1.7% chance of becoming the #1 pick. Payback for Cleveland losing Lebron? Unlikely, but interesting nonetheless. The Bulls got Derrick Rose a few years ago, despite long odds. A potential superstar going to a large market? Perhaps it raises some eyebrows among the paranoid fan.

No, I am not here to feed into conspiracies, I am here to discuss the Bobcats, and their ability to suck like no team ever has before. As a fan of some pretty terrible teams, I have seen my team pick #1 on a few occasions: The Chargers in 2001, and the Chargers AND Padres in 2004(2004 really sucked). The only solace I could take in a miserable year, was that my team had a chance to get the best amateur player around. It worked out for the Chargers: they traded the picks both years, and ended up with Ladainian Tomlinson in 2001, and Philip Rivers in 2004. Those moves got me pumped and energized to weather the storm of being a fan of a crappy team. Sure, the Bobcats could still get a stud at #2, but is like having the Hornets sloppy seconds. In a year where nothing went right, the Bobcats deserve that first pick.

Every other sport has the worst team pick first. It is how it should be. The fate of one's team offseason, and beyond, should not be determined by ping-pong balls. The Bobcats can lose without even stepping foot in an arena. I am sure Michael Jordan and Bobcats GM Rich Cho will cry themselves to sleep tonight.