Tuesday, March 11, 2014

E-Harmony And Their Creepy Commercials

E-Harmony.com is a pretty great place to meet single women -- if you are Ned Flanders. The site is run by Neil Clark Warren, a psychologist who loves Jesus and hates the gays. They also have some of the most annoying commercials on television and their latest creation irks the shit out of me.

The ad starts with Warren's "granddaughter" popping in to tell her grandfather that her teacher met some girl "on one of those other sites." My guess is that it was Plenty of Fish; it is difficult to afford any other site on a teacher's salary.

The little girl is probably 7, but has an annoying, over-the-top speech impediment. Perhaps it was thrown in there to make her sound cute? I am not sure, but it makes me cringe each and every time.

The girl proceeds to tell grandpappy that she told Mr. Teacher he should have hooked up with a God-fearing girl on E-Harmony and the teacher's new-found romance will never last. She also proceeds to tell Pappy that she told her teacher that E-Harmony "has all the hot babes." With the creepiest, most pedophile-like grin, Warren responds with a sly "I never said that, hmm-hmm."

The commercial creeps me out for a variety of reasons. First, why the hell does a little girl know about her teacher's dating life? Does he discuss his sexual exploits during snack time, which features a bevy of animal crackers, Capri-Sun's and stories of sexual conquests?  Does the little girl ask annoying questions, or stalk the teacher?

Second, the fucking grin on Warren's face creeps me out. It seems strange to be discussing trade secrets with your preschool granddaughter. I am sure he teaches her all kinds of important life lessons, essential things like: The Earth is 2000 years old, Charles Darwin and Adolf Hitler were lovers, and if you stab a gay person, they bleed motor oil.

Anyway you slice it, this commercial is too weird and creepy for network television. Wanna see for yourself? Watch it here and be sure to leave your thoughts in the comments.

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